Monday, 16 November 2009

  • hoping for a miracle

    i've been thinking a lot about what our lives would be like without my dad.
    mom would probably want to sell the house...
    we'd have to throw out all the stuff dad has collected through his years. he's got lots of junk too. we'd need to rent a dumpster or something to dispose of it all.
    come to think of it, i never really thought about what people do with someone's belongings after they've passed away.
    it would seem like such a shame to just throw it out.
    we could donate everything, but being the sentimental sap that i am, i have a feeling that i would regret it later. placing things in storage would be an option too. that would give us more time to figure out what to do with everything.

    this house is full of his stuff... remnants of his life. thinking of emptying it feels like we're trying to remove him from our lives or something. i shouldn't be thinking of these things right now...
    but it's only a matter of time now.

    keep hoping for the best, and be prepared for the worst...

Monday, 09 November 2009

  • update

    As I mentioned in my previous post... i have been going through a lot.
    To be frank, my father is very sick. And the worst thing about all this is the timing, as my grandfather had recently passed away. We had exhausted all our resources for him earlier this year and we barely have anything left for dad. But we're doing the best we can right now...  All in all, it's been a difficult few months.

    Such is life, right?
    I've been dealing with it my own way and trying to keep my spirits up, but i get upset a lot... I suppose I shouldn't let it... I am just grateful he's still here and that there's still hope.

                   

    As corny as it sounds, Music has been a great comfort. It's strange when you can find certain songs that speak to you. I discovered this band while my grandfather was in the hospital. it felt like a soundtrack to everything that was going on right then and there. They even performed in this area a few weeks ago, but I was afraid that if I went to see them I would get upset and cry lol.

    oh, on the topic of music, I went to see Video Games Live a few weeks ago! It was so much fun! They played music from Shadow of the Collossus, Megaman!, Final Fantasy, Super Mario, Halo, Chrono Trigger, and lots others that I can't remember right now.

    Pre-Show Costume/Cosplay Contest



    and the funny part was, as outrageous as some of these guys dressed, they gave the prize to a little kid in a Mario outfit, all because he said "Itsa Me, Marrioo!!" like in the video game.

    Here is footage of Martin Leung's Final Fantasy Medley
                   

    And My favorite part, The Chrono Cross Finale
                   
    I apologize if this entry seems kinda scatter-brained. I went from a morbid introduction to video game music lol. Well... while i'm on the topic of video games, I made this thing for my halloween costume. Actually, I had been planning to work on it since August, but kept putting it off to deal with life. I managed to pull off a miracle and completed it the night before the party. Can you guess who I was?


    I had wanted to paint the surface to give it a brushed-metal effect, but I got tired of working on it and decided it looked awesome without it.


    I decided I'm not going to let my miseries control my life. I know I get cranky and become psycho sometimes, but I'm going to work on coping with things differently. Life really is too short to dwell on things that can't be helped. The best thing to do is to be happy and appreciate what you have. At this moment, i am content. And i'll be fine as long as there is hope. As long as I am alive.



Friday, 06 November 2009

  • stresssss!!

    holy shit - what a fucking week.

    really!

    AND IT'S NOT EVEN OVER YET!!

    my stomach is constantly in knots, and I think my hair is falling out lol. i looked at my carpet and noticed there was A LOT of hair... like... i used a piece of masking take and scraped it across the floor and it was COVERED IN HAIR. yuck!! and i vaccuum every other week too!!

    sleeping has become a pain in the ass too. no matter how exhausted i am, at the end of the day my nerves can't seem to calm down. even when i try to nap, i can't fall asleep. it sucks. i'm scared to use sleeping pills, but i may have to consider them if this keeps up.
    The good news is that i've lost 10 pounds! i'm the same weight I was when I was in highschool! horray!

    anyway, i think i need to take off 2 or 3 days next week just to chill the fuck out. because i'm going fucking batty like this. i can't think straight and i've been paranoid like a frikkin lunatic. I could share an example, but I think I will share that in a separate blog some other day.... yeah. lol.

    Here's some ideas I came up with to help me relax:

    1. get laid - it has been WEEKS
    2. take a bubble bath - always nice... maybe i'll watch a movie while i'm in there too.
    3. beat the shit out of a punching bag - pretend it's stupid co-workers and idiot managers
    4. ...

    that's all i can think of for now. :/

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Monday, 14 September 2009

  • Fasting

    i feel bad for the guys at my job who can't eat or drink anything during ramadan. they look like zombies!

    one of the ladies explained that they do this to appreciate what they have and to experience what the poor folks go through. then the next minute she'll be complaining about how hungry and tired she is and goes to put her head down in the break room for an hour.

    (the sad thing is, she'll only be marginally less lazy/annoying when it's over.)

    the last few weeks i've been trying not to eat in front of them, but i forgot today and had chocolate chip waffles. i baked them in our toaster oven and the scent spread all over our floor. Then i put butter on them and ate them at my desk.

    i didn't realize until after i finished a whole waffle.

    woops!